i went to Grandmum's home today , it felt great. with people doting on me, talking to me, and even a mere small thing to others, having a meal with me . i stayed till around seven before Ah Ku and Ah kim fetched me home .
sigh , i'm sorry. it's not that my friends are more important or what , but please do understand , i myself am at lost what to do . don't tell me i ain't frustrated when i see paint all over . i needed someone to talk to , someone i could hug . but sadly, no one was here . perhaps this is God's test to me . i have to stay strong . i shouldn't cry . i wouldn't rely . i don't know how long this would drag on , and partly, yessh i'm afraid . i'm having my o's next year, and i don't wanna flunk it badly. with a heavy heart , still wishing i had someone to talk to , someone to hug and assure me , i went to look for mum . no one notices the silent tears , it was hardly a way to feel better.
i seriously don't mind working full time . i'm cracking and falling into pieces from deep inside .
i don't know if you were lying . i don't know if everything we had was a facade , simply a "show". i won't blame anyone , i promised myself i won't become angry . i'll stay calm , of course i'll be sad . what i had was true , the one and only truth . i only said what i really felt , what i really thought .
i don't know if i should stop trying . perhaps that will be for the best.
(D) for my everything <3
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